so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
