he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you will always have a special place in my vag
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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