Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
