last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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