You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
