TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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