Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
