help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
