I wannas sexs uuuuu
My cat gives me a boner
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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