Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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