I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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