if you like me you must not know who I am
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
