nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
