if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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