when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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