a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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