How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
