We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just want to make out with him forever
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
