When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
