Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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