He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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