I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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