If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm just crazy horny about you
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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