he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
