I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How's work?
Spinning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
