If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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