i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
