Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
