Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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