Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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