oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
