I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
