chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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