Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
