Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
