she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
