so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
