I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
