I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
