i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
