yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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