she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
