I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
