The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my sisters under your porch take her home
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i drank out of a bidet.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
