You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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