I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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