Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
