i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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