I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
