...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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