I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
