Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
