In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
