Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I lost the right to judge tonight
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
