If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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