Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
